So, here is another post about a friend of mine: RS. RS and
I met first when we were five years old in Sunday school, although she doesn’t
remember that. We met again when we were 13 in our synagogue youth group.
We became great friends. Interestingly, we rarely shared friends. Her friends never really liked me, and I think she didn’t
really like my friends. Either way, from that point on, for the next five years,
we were close to inseparable. We were summer camp counselors together and babysat
together on the weekends. I went away for college, and eventually settled in
the city I am in now. RS stayed home a couple of years before going away to
school. With my encouragement, she eventually moved here to. Sadly though, she didn’t
stay here. After a few years, she met a guy and started a
long distance relationship. And I mean loooonnnng distance. Bicoastal! I didn’t
quite understand their relationship. They didn’t see each other very often and seemed
to fight all the time. On one occasion, she expressed that she was with him
because it was easier than being single, but they stayed together, and after
several years she moved to be with him. Her move was very difficult for me. I
had just gone through an excruciating breakup, and her leaving was quite
painful. Time went on though and our
friendship continued. As did her relationship.
Then, I got married…she was a phenomenal bridesmaid. So helpful and attentive. I do not think I could have survived the week before the wedding without her. Then, sadly, I
had my first two miscarriages. And while she knew about them, she never (I repeat, NEVER)
asked me how I was handling things or offered support. I actually confronted
her about it one time. She told me that she figured if I wanted to talk about
it, I would have brought it up. Well…that’s one way to look at it, but I was hurt. After that,
I never told her about my IF or subsequent miscarriages. I concluded that we were in different spots in our lives and there was no way she could have understood what I was going through. (But I still think she should have offered her support).
When I gave birth, she came for the bris of my son. She was
such a help. You know you have a true friend when she takes care of your son’s
freshly circumcised penis because it makes you cry to look at it. She cried
when she left that time because she was going to miss my babies so much. I love
her for that.
Recently, she finally got engaged. I have my own issues with
this. On one hand, it’s about time! From a personal point of view though, it
bothers me that he is not Jewish. Judaism and synagogue life was always a huge part of RS's life, and she has given it all up. I hope I don’t offend or alienate any readers
by saying this, but I am not a huge fan of interfaith relationships in general. More on
that, perhaps another day. In the end, I know that she is happy with her fiancé,
and that makes me happy for her. I wish her only the best. She is such a wonderful
friend, and after everything we have been through, I know I can count on her
for most things.
Her wedding is in a few weeks now, and I am going to be a
bridesmaid. I went to her shower and she came here so I could give her her
present. Unfortunately, due to weather, the concert was canceled and she got
this instead!
I wrote a toast to read for her wedding. I hope she likes
it. Here it is
R and A
you’ve been dating a while
We’re glad you finally made it
down the aisle
The love that you share
Is honest and true
It’s why we’re all here
to celebrate you
R I’ve known you
For years and years
We’ve seen each other through
Laughter and tears
But the tears have lessened
and the laughter increased
when your wild and crazy single days
abruptly ceased
You met A and now the two of you
Have quite a history
But love, they say
Is such a mystery
You moved out west
Went camping and riding
A trip to las vegas
It was all so exciting
So for everyone here
Who wants to know the truth
I’m going to fill you in
On some of R’s youth
With her bright red hair
And personality to match
Everyone knew
She was quite a catch
We had so much fun as camp counselors
Or pulling off USY pranks
Did I mention she had
A bit of “teenage angst?”
But every time I’ve needed her
She’s had a hand to lend
I’m so fortunate and blessed
To say she is my “friend”
And while I’ve had the privilege
of watching you mature
R, you’ve become a beautiful woman
Who A clearly adores
Now A, it’s true
I don’t know you so well
But you seem like a nice guy
That much I can tell
And while I’m not one
To get all misty and sappy
It’s obvious that you make
My friend very happy
So this is it
You two have wed
The veil has been lifted
The “I do’s” been said
The love you feel today
May it help you conquer life’s impasses
To much love and health and happiness
Forever…we lift our glasses