I don’t know where to begin with this post. I’m exhausted (well, that’s nothing new), but today it is from my doctors’ appointments. This is going to be a looooonnnnngggg post. I might have to do it in installments. Today, I had an appointment scheduled with Dr. Plan B at 2:00. I got a call yesterday that Dr. Lovely (who from here on out will be referred to as Dr. McBitch) had a cancellation and I could come in to see her at 3:15. Since I have still not followed up with her regarding my last loss, I took the appointment. Just to recap, my miscarriage was 2 weeks ago. She FINALLY called me back this past Monday, only to tell me that she would call me back on Tuesday…which she never did.
So, there Hubby and I were, at 2:00 waiting for Dr. Plan B.
At 2:20, I told the nurse that I had to leave at 3 because of another
appointment. I may have also made a comment about time being money and then
asked for a credit on my account for the time I was spending in their waiting
room, but I’m not admitting to that for sure. Finally, at 2:45 I got to see
him. He was very nice. I didn’t even mind that he kept calling me Lori (guess
what my name is NOT), but unfortunately, we just didn’t have a lot of time to
talk. He said we would not thaw any more of my embryos until we got more
information about why I kept losing them. I asked him about several names of
big guys that I have been researching and trying to get on board with a
treatment plan for me. My first choice is his first choice. Has anyone out
there heard of Dr. Kutte.h? He is in Memphis
We moved onto Dr. McBitch. She started out by saying that there were a few genetic tests that we need to do on Hubby’s sperm. Here is my issue with that. I do not believe for a millisecond that there is anything wrong with his sperm, because our first two embryos happened to be perfect! (thank G-d) I just feel like for them to say that the six we’ve used since then have had genetic issues that have caused the losses is a cop out. So then she went on to ask if I had contacted Dr. Kutte.h. Here’s where the conversation went from there:
McBitch: He can really do a whole lot of testing. He’s the expert and we’ve thrown the kitchen sink at you and that didn’t work.
Me: Will he do immunologic testing like leukocyte antibody testing?
McBitch: Yes
Me: Hmmm…well, why are you sending me to someone who will do that when I asked you from the beginning to do that and you said that you didn’t believe in it.
McBitch: Well, maybe you should take your care elsewhere.
Me: Maybe I should, I’m just trying to understand if you believe in that test or not.
McBitch: I don’t know if he does or not. It’s not a typical test and there is no clinical evidence supporting it.
Me: But you just said that he does it.
McBitch: I haven’t spoken with him in two years, but I feel like you and I don’t
have a good relationship anymore and that you don’t trust me and therefore I
don’t think I should care for you.
Me: I agree. I really liked you, and I was very happy with my treatment, but the lack of follow-up care I have received has been extremely disappointing.
McBitch: My partner saw you.
Me: Yes, but my doctor didn’t. And you didn’t return any of my phone calls, and I had a miscarriage two weeks ago and you should have spoken with me before now.
McBitch: I’m not allowed to go on vacation?
Me: I don’t really care if you’re on vacation or not. You can still pick up the
phone. And you got back August 4th. It’s been 11 days! I just paid
you $7000 and had a MISCARRIAGE! When my husband operates on someone, he doesn’t
wait two weeks to speak with them. Especially if he’s ended up cutting off a
limb. I lost a pregnancy…I deserved a phone call.
McBitch: I’m in a group, so I don’t have to call you. You came in and met with my partner. (**aside: I only met with her so she could do an u/s to confirm the loss…) And Nurse Laura called you several times to offer support.
Me: She called me ONCE, and saying, “I’m sorry,” isn’t really support. It’s condolence. Saying, “what can we do?” “do you need a referral to go talk to someone?” “How can we make this easier for you?” That’s support. But that’s not the point. The point is that You, My doctor, did not follow up with me. I think you should just try to look at it from my perspective. It’s continuity of care.
McBitch: I want you to know that I still care about you and would like to know of your future success when you get pregnant.
Me: Well, honestly, that would be a waste of my time.
McBitch: I’ll get a copy of your records. (she left the room then)
Hubby (who had been sitting next to me silently because I ordered him not to speak): I can’t believe how well you handled it. You were so calm and open about everything. You told her everything you felt. I would have been so sarcastic and walked out way before. I’m so proud of you; that was amazing. I can’t believe you didn’t scream or cry.
At that point I burst into tears. I didn’t feel good about the conversation at all. She didn’t get it. She didn’t listen to me or understand my perspective. It is so insulting, as it is. To subject ourselves to this shit. And to fail multiple times. And to pay so freakin’ much money. For her not to GET IT, just broke my heart. I wanted a glimmer of understanding in her eyes. An “Oh…you just went threw shit, and it would have made you feel better if I had called. I guess I should have done that.” But nothing. I wish I felt good about severing my relationship with her, but I don’t. I feel so hurt by it.
On to Plan B….
