Isn't it pretty to think so?

Day 2 of BCP

What is it about Fertility treatment that makes time move soooo slowly? I have always believed in not “wishing my life away.” My mom told me when I was little that I should never wish for time to move more quickly because I could never know what tomorrow would bring (slightly pessimistic I guess), and it is better to live in the moment. I try really hard to do that. But DAMN time is moving so freakin’ slowly right now!

I still have not heard back from Dr. Wonderful, and I’m starting to get worried. I guess I am going to stay with Dr. Lovely though. For one cycle at least. If it doesn’t work, or if I have another loss (please, G-d, no), then I will consider switching to Dr. Plan B. For now though…I really like her, and even if I have a bit of cold feet, I think I will stay put.

As an aside…has anyone heard of freezing 1 cell embryos? An IRL friend had that done, and now they are going to have to thaw all seven of her embies to see which to transfer. Seems a little weird to me, but what do I know?

I don't think I'm tall enough for this roller coaster ride...

I’m starting to feel like I don’t have what it takes to do it again. The stress…the drama…the early morning appointments. I don’t know if I can do it. I am seriously nauseous at the prospect of ieverything (and not in a good, morning sickness kind of way). I am so scared about it all. Negatives, losses, bleeding, I hate it all.

Today is Day 3 of my cycle (oh yeah, did I mention that I’m not pregnant?). I have an appointment in a couple of hours with Dr. Lovely for an ultrasound and bloodwork. Then, tonight, I start birth control pills.

**Enter drama**

Remember when I mentioned that I was going to make an appointment with Dr. Plan B? Well, I had assumed it would take a couple of months to get in to see him. Turns out, they had a cancellation and I saw him yesterday (who gets a new patient appointment with an RE in less than a week?). I like him a lot, but now I need to make a decision and I’m not sure if I should switch to him, or stay with Dr. Lovely (who is really quite lovely). Let me just say that my issue with Dr. Lovely is that she is very NOT cutting edge. I feel that she is too conservative, and that scares me. She is, however, on my insurance, which while it only covers diagnostics and consultations, that’s better than nothing. Dr. Plan B is not on my insurance and yesterday’s consultation cost $250.

Here’s the deal: Dr. Lovely wants me on Mercet (bcp) starting today for a down-cycle. This is followed by lupron, and then my FET cycle.
Dr. Plan B has a different protocol.  He suggested that I should do a month of Mercet, followed by lupron, followed by a month of a mock cycle so he could see how my lining is reacting to the meds. He would be able to adjust things accordingly if needed for the real cycle. He would also do a biopsy around day 20 to make sure that the endometritis is cleared up (it was so minor, I’m sure it’s fine). He said something about an Israeli study suggesting that the biopsy done in the cycle before the transfer increases pregnancy rates. Finally, I would be able to do the transfer in August. THAT’S A VERY LONG WAY AWAY!

He mentioned the fact that Dr. Asshole’s office had not had me on Lupron with any of my FETs. He did not agree with that and said that that was “ballsy” and could have been a factor in the losses because I might not have been suppressed enough. If my body's hormones had tried to break through, that could have messed things up and factored into the losses.

And to really stress me out even more, he told me that his lab is the best and that has me most concerned. He cast quite a bit of doubt on Dr. Asshole’s lab. Obviously he is going to prefer the lab at his office, but he raised issues about the freezing process at Asshole’s lab harming the embryos. I am a little hesitant to blame my problems on the lab, but now that’s out there, too.
So, that is it. I need to make a decision. I sent an email to Dr. Awesome and hope I hear back from him SOON! I really need some opinions. Do you guys have any thoughts? Do you think I should cycle with Dr. Lovely or Dr. Plan B? Do you agree with the mock cycle? Is lupron going to solve all of my problems? HELP!

Dr Awesome pt 2

So yesterday, 26 hours after my original email to Dr Awesome, he called me back. What a guy! He called me on Easter! We spoke for about 25 minutes. Here are his thoughts (I think…I was very nervous and hungry, so it was a little hard to make complete sense of our conversation). First of all, I sort of got the impression that he thought I should stay w/ the current practice, although he never said that. But when I explained how unhappy I was there, and how I think Dr. H is so nice and that I will be happier with her…even though I would trade niceness for medical brilliance…he was supportive and said that he thought she was brilliant. But honestly…I don’t think he knows her. I think at that point he was trying to calm me down. Either way…here are some other points we discussed:

 

Hysteroscopy (recommended by Dr. H)-he feels it is completely not necessary. Since I recently had a saline sonogram…he feels it is invasive and uncomfortable and will show nothing. I’m not sure how I’m going to deal with this. I don’t know if I can tell Dr. H that I don’t trust her medical opinion and don’t want this test…plus it would delay everything for a month. I'm ready to get this party started.

 

Natural Killer Cells/Leukocyte Antibody Tests (recommended by Dr K)-he is not a huge fan of these tests. He has prescribed them at a patient’s demand and over several months, found that the way the lab standardized “normal” for these tests had changed. So he feels that they are too new, controversial, and there is not enough knowledge about them. Plus, no "real " evidence from studies, etc.As well as expensive and treatment is difficult to obtain. He does admit to know that there are women out there who swear by these tests and the treatment.

 

Lining-he feels that some time needs to go into making my lining perfect by some different methods than what is being prescribed. He feels that his old practice was doing some very interesting things to improve patients’ lining such as transvaginal Viagra or some pill which I can’t remember the name of, which is used to treat diabetes. My lining has always been thick enough, but the three parts they look for have been “fuzzy,” and always one mark away from being perfect. Not sure what to do about this…

 

Endometrial Function Test-prescribed by Dr. K. When I brought this test up to Dr. H, she said that a biopsy would not be necessary b/c I had already had my babies, but in talking to Dr Awesome, I think maybe she was thinking of a plain biopsy instead of this test. This test is where two samples of the lining are taken at different times in the cycle and sent to the only lab that does this test at Yale. They are measured to make sure they are reading the correct cycle day. This is a very painful and expensive test. Now…here’s the deal with this…if the samples are not measuring correctly, the treatment is a month of birth control pills. That’s it!! Pretty simple, huh? And you know what else? The only successful pregnancy I have ever had was proceeded by a down cycle with a month of birth control pills. Huh? 1+1=2?? Maybe!! Dr Awesome said given the invasiveness and cost of this test, he would never recommend it, but would just assume there was a problem and give the patient a low dose, monophasic birth control pill for a month. Could it be this simple?

 

So…now, I have this issue. I have to let whichever doctor I go to, know that I am talking with Dr Awesome and that I want to follow his advice. They need to be open to that. I do not think that I can talk Dr H out of the hysteroscopy, and I’m not sure she would be open to treating me for a biopsy she does not support. But I don’t know how happy the people at Dr Awesome’s old clinic would be to have his input. And frankly, I think they would be very happy to see me leave. They have volunteered more than once to help me transfer my embryos. Fuckers. A quandary, huh? I would like to start birth control pills this upcoming cycle, but I don’t have my consultation w/ Dr H until April 14, and I think that would put me at day 45 (if I don’t get my period before then). Hmmm…what to do? It’s a little annoying to think that the solution could be that simple, but also…exciting!

 

Anyone have any thoughts? I’d love to hear from people who have had multiple losses when not on birth control, but had a successful pregnancy after a month of pills. Anyone?

 

Oh...and one other thing, he commended me on my detective work w/ regards to finding him. And said that he would be happy to help me in the future. He would do whatever he could remotely. And that I was a good patient because I did my research and wanted to be educated, etc! Seriously...can we clone this guy? He's leaving the USA to go work in Ireland at the Sims Institute. Any Irish ladies out there? You are lucky to be getting such a great doctor!!!