I took my little one to the doctor yesterday for her one month check up (she's actually five weeks old, but whatever). What I learned was that what I had suspected was correct...she's not that little! Since birth she has gained three pounds and three inches, putting her in the 95th percentile for weight and 75th percentile for height, which basically put me over the edge as I realized she is growing up already and will (G-d willing)keep growing and not be my baby forever. I came home and immediately told Hubby I was sad and wanted another baby. True to form, he was quite a jerk about my sadness and desire to have another baby. Keep in mind, I have always wanted a family with 4 or 5 children, so this is nothing new to him. He does not want another baby. I am so angry that I already have that empty feeling that comes w/ IF and loss. I should be basking in the glow of my children and baby. They are so wonderful, but instead I feel grief, because even if Hubby agrees, I know what the chances are...slim to none. I feel like my dream will never come true, and I am so mad at myself for not feeling satisfied with what I have. My life is sooo many people's dream! Why am I sitting here in tears and feeling so alone?
(Btw-it could be hormonal, and it also could be b/c my mom leaves town tomorrow, but whatever it is, it sucks!)
I agree, it DOES suck. And who knows what your uterus has in store, but it would help if your husband was a bit more sympathetic to your feelings.
Posted by: DD | June 20, 2009 at 11:31 AM
Oh, I'm sorry. I do think your husband's reaction is within the realm of normal reactions in a household with a new baby, but then again, so is yours. It would be nice if he could just acknowledge, accept, and support your feelings.
Posted by: Alexicographer | June 23, 2009 at 10:12 PM
yay! Congrts on the getting bigger!!!! But sorry it made you feel bad. And then how your hubby made you feel. ~hugs~
Posted by: nancy | June 30, 2009 at 01:08 AM