I have no right to complain. I know that. I hate complaining. But damn, I have had a rough day. Having two 2 1/2 year olds is just hard sometimes. Not that I would trade them for anything...well, maybe I would trade them for an hour or so, but you know what I mean. Some (most) days, they wake up and it doesn't matter what I say, the response is, "NO!" And I hate that. I hate fighting and yelling and that is what ends up happening. I fight them to get their diapers changed, get them dressed, fed, downstairs, upstairs, they fight with each other, I try to prevent them from killing each other, it never stops. It wasn't even 10 am and I knew it was going to be a shitty day. By 11, I was losing my mind...and having contractions every 10 minutes. And I guess, on top of everything...it's not just that my kids were royal pains in the ass, I mean, I know that that happens, but I just hate myself so much for getting angry at them. I hate myself for yelling and upsetting them. I open my mouth and sound like my mother and I am just disgusted by my own voice.
I had an OB appointment this afternoon this afternoon. They told me everything was fine, but put me on the monitor to monitor my contractions. They said they couldn't pick anything up...so now they think I'm crazy. They also checked my cervix to see if "said" contractions were doing anything to it. They are not (thank G-d), but I hate having vaginal exams when I am pregnant b/c I am so afraid they will send me into preterm labor. Also, since I wasn't planning on an exam I wasn't as nicely groomed as I would have liked. How embarassing.
Back at the house, I would like to say that everything got better, but instead, I cooked a dish for my kids that they didn't eat, a dish for my husband that he didn't like, and I haven't eaten at all yet because I'm so upset from my crappy day.
January 12, 2009
Isn't it pretty to think so
I'm a married, stay at home mother of twins: one boy and one girl. Sounds perfect, right? Isn't it pretty to think so... I have been through multiple ART cycles and have had several failed cycles and four--wait, make that FIVE miscarriages. I am trying to grow my family, and trying to find out why it is so difficult for me to do so. (cue Law and Order "BOOM BOOM") Here is my story...
I'm so sorry about your crappy day!! Here's hoping tomorrow will be better!! Thinking of you!
Posted by: ~S | January 12, 2009 at 07:58 PM
I'm sorry. :(
Posted by: JessPond | January 12, 2009 at 08:46 PM
Two year olds can make anyone crazy. I hope tomorrow is better.
Posted by: Jen | January 12, 2009 at 09:55 PM
Sorry about your crappy day. All the little stuff can really add up sometimes.
I really like the name of your blog btw. It really describes the way so many of our lives are in one way or the other...so pretty on the outside.
Posted by: Shannon | January 27, 2009 at 01:31 AM