16 weeks
I think I am 16 weeks today. I mean, from when I was originally given the due date, that's where it would put me, but I actually think I am a little past that given my ultrasounds. I'm not 100% sure and strangely, I'm not counting the days of this pregnancy like I have in the past. That's not to say I'm being nonchalant about it. Like, "Oh...I'm gestating...la di da." No, it's not like that at all. It's more like, "I don't understand why I'm getting so fat. Oh yeah...no, that can't be the case. I can't be pregnant!!" I wasn't going to "come out" until Monday after my appointment with the perinatologist, but my uterus seems to be planning for twins again, and so hiding is not as easy as I would have liked. This has spurred on a whole new wave of panic. I'm back to using my doppler 6 times a day (I kid you not), because for some reason, I am convinced that telling people will surely make this pregnancy go away. Plus, while I am still exhausted beyond words, now that my nausea is pretty much gone, I'm really freaking out. I thought pregnant people were supposed to dream of babies and bunnies and bears. I dream of D&C's. Seriously.
Anyway...that's where I am.
Aww sweetie... I feel your pain. It is never easy when you finally make it to the PG side. Trust me I lived every freaking day wishing for her to be born. When it was over, and she was born I realized I had missed enjoying my time with her.
So, I know it is hard to do, but just try your hardest to enjoy the time you have with this little one!!
Big Hugs!!
Rebel
Posted by: Rebel | December 05, 2008 at 09:23 AM
been thinking about you and am glad for an update. I totally get where your mind is- I mean once you have seen hell you kind of can't erase it.
keep posting. & Happy (maybe more than?!) 16 weeks!!
xo
Posted by: Calliope | December 05, 2008 at 10:11 AM
Yay for 16 weeks!! Congrats!
Posted by: ~S | December 05, 2008 at 10:41 AM
It really stinks that all that you have been through makes it impossible to enjoy your pregnancy. I am praying for you and your gestation.
Posted by: Shawna | December 05, 2008 at 10:52 AM
Glad that things are physically going well. The doppler saved me multiple times, too. I really am not exaggerating when I say that I went straight from checking for blood because I was sure the pg was doomed to checking for blood to see if I was in labor.
So I feel you.
The good part is, though, that even if you don't think it will work out, it still can!
Good luck, thinking of you.
Posted by: JessPond | December 05, 2008 at 11:10 AM
Oh hun...I so wish you had the gift of a blissful pregnancy. I'm so sorry you have those thoughts. We're here with you.
Posted by: noswimmers | December 05, 2008 at 10:52 PM
Heya. 16 weeks here too...hoping for a little Mayflower too. You dream of d&c's, I dream of funerals.. the songs I'd use this time around, the speech I'd say... I don't count days here either, just read the weekly updates, as in 'wouldn't it be cool if I actually got to keep this baby... here's what it's doing this week...'
Yep, certifiable over here too. Just so you know, you're not alone.
Posted by: steph | December 07, 2008 at 01:58 AM