Isn't it pretty to think so?

Progesterone question

Hello Internet...I hope you can answer this for me. I have been taking Endometrin (progesterone) throughout this pregnancy. I take it 3x/day. My RE told me today that I can start weaning off of it. He told me to cut back to 2x/day. I am a little nervous about this. I am 10 weeks 3 days...does this seem a little early to you gals? I've already skipped my afternoon dose, so I guess it's a little late for that, but I'm panicking (shock, I know...).

To whom it may concern:

If you happened to be in your car yesterday, stopped at a traffic light, next to another stopped car waiting to get on the highway, and looked over and saw the person in said vehicle trying to subtly unzip her pants and pull them out/down just for a second, I apologize. It was me. I was not attempting to give anyone cheap thrills. I was merely checking to make sure that the horrible cramping I was feeling was a result of dehydration and not a sign that I was bleeding all over my car. I was going to be on the highway about 25 minutes and I didn't think I could wait until I got home to check things out.
Thank you for your understanding.

I'm here

I need to get back in the blogging swing! Every day things happen that I want to blog about, but by the time the kids are in bed, I am so exhausted and nauseous,  sitting up, let alone blogging, is impossible.
I went to the perinatologist today. So far things are good. Of course, they took blood for my 1st trimester screen which they will do in 3 weeks, so that is one more thing to worry about. Given my age (36) I am far from confident. But I am trying to stay calm.

Fear- part 2

This fear is eating me up. I cannot even put into words how terrified I am. Since I fell the other night (and I know it was not much of a fall), I have not been nauseous. At all. I keep waiting and hoping to feel sick so I will get some reassurance, but nothing. Today has been a tough day with my kids. I yelled at them and I feel so guilty and also so sure that the stress I felt could have killed the baby if it wasn't already dead. I wish I could feel confident knowing that just three days ago there was a strong and healthy heartbeat, but I am shivering with the fear and dread that things are over.

Forgot to mention

That yesterday evening I got tangled up in my legs (don't ask) and fell. On my knees. On the carpet. I know that it's probably no big deal, and if it were, I would have had bleeding or cramping or something. I know that falling and not even getting hurt can't make the heart stop (can it?), but if I told you I wasn't so afraid that I killed the baby, I'd be lying.

Fear

A good friend confided in me that she is "about" 8 weeks pregnant. Same as me. This should have me elated. But instead, I am terrified. Terrified because if I lose this pregnancy, she will be a constant reminder of where I should be. I wish I felt secure in this pregnancy by now, but I do not. I am consumed with almost nonstop fear (unless I am gagging and then I feel slightly reassured). I have not told my friend that I am, you know what, yet. Too afraid that I will have to untell her.

Ouch

Did anyone see this episode of Oprah? This woman was unbelievable and so inspirational. As was her husband! When she got sick, she and her husband were engaged. I was telling Hubby the story and he said, "Well, I guess that's over." "Yeah," I said, "they're married now, but it's nice to know what you would have done if it had happened to me." You know, if you had asked me, I would have said that I didn't think he would have stayed with me through that, but to hear it out loud...not so much fun. Of course, he said that NOW, since we're already married and everything, he would stay with me through anything, but I'd rather not test that theory.

Yom Kippur

I would love to write and say that I have had a good and meaningful Yom Kippur, but I have spent the majority of it wiping my nose and pressing on my boobies to see if they still hurt. They don't and it's freaking me out. I wish I could enjoy being pregnant, but it is so hard to trust what usually gets messed up. I am so scared. I hope Gd understands that I didn't mean to think of myself all day today. And I hope this thing inside of me is still alive.

The world's fastest ultrasound

Went to the perinatologist today. After a 10 second u/s, he told me that everything is fine. He does not worry about sacs and their sizes/irregularities. "But," he said, "it's early yet and anything could still happen." Ooh...warm and fuzzies, huh?

Complaining

I called the nurse this morning. The bleeding had stopped. She was not worried (for the record, I still am) and told me it was probably blood from my cervix being irritated from my u/s (whatever--blood is never a happy sight when you're pregnant). That only made me feel a little better. I have also suddenly lost my pregnancy symptoms again. I'm not nauseous, my breasts are not sore, I do not feel like walking death. Yet this is not a good thing. I wonder, you know how you can make yourself feel sick if you worry about it long enough? I think maybe I am convincing myself that I feel good, but not in a good way. More like in a nonpregnant way. That puts an interesting spin on the power of positive thinking...when it's not positive really. Then again, maybe this pregnancy ended last night, and I just don't know it yet. I'll know tomorrow. I have an appointment with a perinatal specialist. This is really hard.
I also have a cold and my throat hurts.